I never doubt that you might be drinking at any moment.
drunk pissing on my closed toilet lid is actually quite a sobering experience
I swear this guy grew up in land without leagues. someone should inform him he's way out of mine
Why did 20 jello shots in a row sound like a good idea last night?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
That makes the second boyfriend of hers that I've fucked. I'm gonna start keeping an eye on every guy she even speaks to. Girl is my sexual rabbit's foot.
LEAVE MY LITTLE DICK OUT OF THIS
just cuz theres a goalie doesnt mean i cant commandeer the goal and become a way better goalie
I cried singing "call me maybe" on the way home from the bar. What the fuck
i wasnt laughing because you were puking, i was laughing because three yards away there was a couple seriously getting it on
continuing my moment killer tradition in the best possible way
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well I woke up at my house so that's a plus. But I'm pretty sure I peed on my sofa because I woke up in the pee position.
Is Oprah even human
Just found out that my name comes from part of my mom's old stripper name.
I think I left my thong in your bed. Careful. It has the power to destroy the agitator on a washing machine
hey can you come unlock the basement door? I'm trapped in here.
no I can't, you're a safety hazard. but, there's a beer keg down there somewhere. we don't have cups, but help yourself.
My apartment stinks of burning failure
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