i wish mother nature was an actual person cause i'd bitch slap her for sure
Your brother just successfully got half the bar mostly naked
He did a double fist pump when he discovered the Magnums fit and skipped back towards the bed.
i chipped my tooth tryin to cut thru her pantyhose. that stuff is bulletproof.
I've been drunk so often this summer being sober is exciting
worst part about day drinking... waking up to george lopez
Aj and I already plan to tape our thumbs to our palms so we know how it feels to be a t-rex.
Whenever there is a ShotSki involved, I have no excuse but to drink, right? It's like a rule.
She rode an inflatable shark down the stairs. Viva shark week.
I also just told a guy I was available for counseling in case he needed to 'bang' things out. I've become a monster.
Thank you for the legal advice. I hope I can pay you in blow jobs.
You called me into the kitchen so you could show me that you were peeing in the kitchen sink and then told me to leave bc you couldn't do it with me watching
He caught a Pokemon on my head while I sucked him off. I think I need to marry him.
Y’all did coke off my Puff The Magic Dragon plate.😂
Visiting my great uncle went well. The highlight of the evening was when he said, "Oh my god. I'm 79 and I'm teaching 18 year old kids how to roll a joint."
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