dinner at cheesecake factory: $40. drinks at yard house: $50. having sex in the VG parking lot while people are staring at you awkwardly: priceless. Goodnight.
Add "its too hot" to reasons why I don't get fucked anymore
No, when he said that he wished he had my eyebrows, THATS when I knew he was gay.
Hi, my name's audrey!
Max?
Sorry, this girl is phone-stealing drunk.
You thought last year was bad... a guy dressed as a clown showed up with cocaine
i am one more weekend without sex away from dosing him with viagra and locking ourselves into a closet.
Amazing how you can get from "Merry Christmas" to sex in three texts.
I could have done it in 2
She did my hair, then ate me out. Switching teams was an awesome decision.
I just found a video of you asking to be a whale with me.
We left the knife in your bed.
Just blowing bubbles with my nipple rings in my shower.
You always make things weird.
I hate waking up Sunday morning and thinks "how many friends did I lose last night".... Normally it's between 1-5.
Ok here's the state of the situation: We're alone in a strange city with strange people with nothing but alcohol and sprite, I think we're gonna make it.
Finally had sex in the new kitchen. Burnt the hamburgers and hit myself in the face with the freezer door. Worth it.
I feel as if I need Plan B just being in the same room as them for more than 5 minutes.
Randomize
