I'm gonna keep this simple. I threw up in your pillow case. Sorry.
Been drinkin since 3, wearing a tutu, how could things go wrong
He told me I couldn't drink an unopened bottle of water he had in his room because that was his emergency bong water
they arrested me when i was peaking, i'm pretty sure they were specifically looking for me but i was too busy rolling around, loving the grass to notice the police car..
after she pushed someone down the stairs to get more vodka we lost her for a while and found her on the pole in the garage pouring water on herself
There's strippers and bear every where so ether you gave me the wrong address or this is the coolest birthday party thrown for a seven year old ever.
Have you seen Dave? He's not on top of the bar anymore but I found his shirt.
Well, I made it all the way to the gas station. And from there, I begged a cab driver who was parked outside, to give me a piggy back ride the final 2 blocks to my apartment. I wasn't in the cab. Didn't have to pay. Drunk me is smart, and very lazy.
You came into my room and started rubbing a banana on your face.
I'm pretty sure "good advice you would give to a freshman for achieving success" isn't constituted by introducing them to your addy dealer...
it is my civic duty to ensure the success of our youth.
Im wearing black today mourning the orgasm i couldn't get this morning :(
I have sent texts to the pizza delivery guy telling him he was beautiful. Oh and you almost got a ticket for pissing in public. And I smell like cheese.
you came home and ate 12 bananas. you really didnt think mom would know you were high?
It was platonic naked porno viewing, I swear.
Apparently I told the mayor I want to be a trophy wife
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