I think tonya harding is in my dwi class!
Ask her how she and Jeff Gillooly split the cats after the divorce.
like what am i supposed to say "im thinking of how bad that sex was"?
First guy to fuck a girl in the new tool shed. Her underwear is on the shovel hook.
I just saw a Puerto Rican child between the ages of 8 and 11 with a faint mustache talking very loudly on the bluetooth in his ear about how "Skittles are played the fuck out"
we turned studying into a drinking game, she drinks when she gets it right, i drink when she gets it wrong. so we'll be out soon
I thought his dick was headless. then I pulled back the foreskin.
I cant leave dude. theres a horse with a top hat on
I walked into the garage and you were telling the bikes that you were not that drunk.
I know you think I'm being paranoid, but can you please make sure Danny doesn't rub my wedding invitation on his balls?
Maybe I'm nitpicking, but that looked more like how one would jerk off an elephant than it did playing air guitar.
A 5 day bender that ended with refusing to pay my bar tab before I left the city. I offered to send them a selfie so they knew to never let me back in.
You know darned well I have a well-documented weakness for redheads, Subway and hand-drawn graphic novels.
He doesn't have an existential crisis after we have really violent sex now which is nice
Wanna see if we can get cut off at bdubs again? The same hipster manager that is younger than us is working again
it was like 6 shots in and he was automatically my type
Randomize
