I am going to give you the keys to my place
Then I'll give you the keys to my heart
Gag me
Down for casual relationships, more fun than catholic missionary, bring condoms and don't get attached.
Drinking mikes hard & watching the swan princess. i fucking LOVE college
I haven't even gone in yet. I'm sitting in the waiting room playing a game i like to call "Who else is here for AA".
So I missed her say 'don't' before 'come in me'. She felt what was happening and freaked - which actually made the moment 100x better.
I've never seen anyone write a check for a bar tab before
think they'd let him outta jail for my wedding? we could have him back by like midnight....
I just Tebowed the shit out of her.
Nice and you can't use "Tebow" in the place of every verb.
The problem is drunk me is completely unaware how poor I am
I got about 15 snapchats from you with your hand saying "you want cheese sticks" or something like that and one of some weird looking weed
I swear to go if the response she sends me something along the lines of who the fuck is Mark Hamill I might need to brake up with her.
Because talking after sexting is equivalent to cuddling after sex
On a scale of 1-10 I’m at biblical violence
Ah you cut my boxers off with scissors, we're way past introductions
Like honey no, I’m getting groceries while pretending that having sexy talk with you is turning me on
Randomize
