did you get my message about your dog?
no... is he ok?
no, i didn't see him when i was being chased out of your house. check your drive way :( sry
i finished masturbating and realized my blackberry had accidentaly called my grandmother in my pocket during it. awkward...
My valentine's day: watching The Notebook, and porn, eating chocolate, and ice cream. All while jacking off.
Wow... you've managed to cover all of the sad girl stereotypes that exist.
I hid a girl's boot last night so I could ransom it back this morning via the "blowjobs for boots" program.
Dont forget about the tuna sandwich behind your TV
To the genius that put everclear in my humidifier: your time is coming.
People spilled so much that there was a thin film of beer on the floor. You took a running start, screamed, "SLIP AND SLIDE!" and slid face first through the drywall.
Enroute to my place eta 6 mikes...estimated time until intoxicated? 45 mikes. Commence the timer.
Did I come home in a police car last night? id come downstairs to ask you but i dont think my legs work anymore
It all started with sending him a text about Spongebob. It escalated from there.
He hand fed me trail mix then I watched the video of me the next morning. He was actually feeding me meow mix.....that drunk. I still have no regrets marrying him
Not this time. I'm drinking in my sweatpants which means I've given up for the day and shouldn't be in public.
i have two papers due tomorrow. contemplating if i should take adderall in my anus for full effects
I have a whole new respect for her. She chugged half a bottle of jack daniels, and then peed all over his wall. Serves him right.
so we have roughly decided that hes the dude all the chicks will bang in college, just so he will do their term papers
Randomize
