Pls don't use the words alligator, purple, and sperm in the same sentence ever again.
The girl sitting next to me in class is writing her to-do list under the title 11/31.
STOP fucking him and come play in the snow with us!
You woke up in the middle of the night and told me we won the sweepstakes, the penis sweepstakes.
FYI angry masturbation is not as cool angry sex
This might be the most awkward night of my life. And I had someone pee on me once.
I look like a zombie and smell like a stripper. Its gonna be a good day.
Middle of vacation, he walked into an audition for a Broadway musical in a drunken stupor. I think he got the part.
Get your ass over here, we're drinking Patron and watching My Little Pony. Patron and Ponies, do you copy?!
Two women at the Safeway just got out of their separate cars and kissed. One was driving an outback, the other a CRV. It was like a Honda and Subaru had a lesbian joint venture and filmed the commercial in front of me.
Vagic. Defined as a kind of magic one has over a girl's vagina. Used in a sentence... he's an accomplished vagician.
You're about wine.
Yes, I'm like 90% wine at the moment
He bought me shrimp and alcohol and referred to himself as daddy. I am in love.
Glitter fights sound a lot funner in theory.
Thanks for fucking the skin off my dick
It was a joint effort between my vagina my feet and your hand you can't just blame that all on me
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