3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
office poll is still running 100% that Spencer Pratt is more disturbing than David Carradine's death
Pride was great cause we really can now appreciate how far we've come as gay people!
Doll, if you're still fucking strangers behind the WeHo Sonic while high on E then we've come as far as 2003...
Yeah. He most definitely jizzed himself in the face.
Too bad it's not "confirm, ignore or not unless I've had 20+ beers"
I had my own version of the Hangover last night. I woke up to a disassembled Christmas tree, shit on the futon, and a hamster in the bathroom with a necklace on that said "Feed Me Bitch." I don't own a hamster. I don't know what I drank last night, but I want to do it again.
His housemate was playing a sad violin solo for me on my way out. God I hate musicians.
She tied me up with her honor cords...
I definitely recall eating shredded cheese out of the bag while you were wearing that apron.
Somehow me not being able to breathe due to cocaine doesn't seem very domesticated.
be ready to rage tomorrow. like naked ranch dressing rage
He put up a Facebook album attempting to sell off their Harvard furniture. Items for sale include: his friend, a broken lamp, an item described as a 'carpet and/or sleeping bag', a pair of paint stained cargo pants, size 'Tyler', and a self proclaimed $3 bottle of wine, which he is offering for $2
But I swear to god if I'm awkwardly there while you try to have sex with someone again I'm getting high with your dad
my mom said i came home and fell asleep on the floor. like right in front of her.
You told your boyfriend he needed to fuck you in the tree because it would make you guys one with nature.
Did he?
Randomize
