If I were a woman I'd fill my water bra with liquor so that I could sip on it throughout the day.
i find it simply astounding you spelled drunken wrong but pterodactyl right
we can't become the bulimic house in the complex dude. Besides, you need teeth for your career.
If your dick isn't up when i get home you're catching tonight.
You threw a hot dog at his face...I wouldn't call you either.
The vomit I understand but how is there seaweed in my bed?
Yeah I'm gunna date him. I figure its regular sex and maybe feelings will come in time...it worked for arranged marriages...
Oh we're fine. I made her a "sorry I peed on you" omelet.
well someone pooped in the lint basket in the laundry room last night, but none of us will admit to it so we're all just secretly judging each other and doubting ourselves.
I smell like gasoline and adventure.
But yesterday I literally met half his family buzzed wearing a cheeta print bathing suit super short shorts and a tiny tank top.. I was like awesome
What is it with the dog running away when we have epic hangovers
He looks like he was the one that always had koolaid stains around his mouth as a kid, he can fuck off.
I went to a party last night....I stole all of their ornaments and the toaster oven.
you walked into the party, and all you had on was your left sock... literally.
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