Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
her lazy eye was starring daggers at me.
My jaw hurts. Such a slutty injury..
I just wnated to let you know that I laminated my history notes so i can study in the shower.
2am update: i think I'm in Mexico but I found a dennys. Everyone but this cute family of 4 is speaking Spanish. Cute family of 4 is helping me out.
I would've been fine if I didn't do the three shots
You did like 8
That is true. Vodka is like a dog. Always loyal, warm, and there for you when you need it
hoooly shit dude in taco costume challenged alpha douche to a fight. he's got catch phrases. come. now.
I was super proud of him for making a mature relationship decision, and then I remembered that he cheated on her. With me.
We took vodka shots. You kept saying it was the key to your heart.
He serenaded me a cappella to Ed Sheeran. I wasn't going to leave his dick unsucked.
he left a full can of coors light underneath my windshield wiper, like a love note. if that's not husband material, i don't know what is
RAAAAAAAAWWWWRRRRRR
THATS ME HOWLING MY ENJOYMENT OF THE THINGS WE CAN DO WHILE GETTING DRUNK
I REALLY NEED TO STOP CELEBRATING THAT FUCKING HOLIDAY
I'm drinking because I just started here and every single person I work with wants to quit and when I asked a coworker how she's doing she literally just started crying.
Randomize
