I JUST GOT MY PERIOD AND MY VISA FOR LONDON GOT APPROVED! BEST DAY EVER!
Brought out my three foot martini glass last night, that explains why I haven't left my bed all day long.
I feel like Tiger Woods should send Jesse James a gift basket or something...
he said he has something really important to tell me but isn't ready yet. It's either that he loves me or has herpes
um, yes. it's my birthday, of course there will be acid.
i was gonna fuck her but then she started eatin sushi from her purse. i really need to raise my standards
Yeah, well I just made $600 while taking a shut cause two diff clients called while I was in here. Tell me being a lawyer doesn't kick ass.
could you please explain to me why my jumper cables are on my bedroom floor?
He's used the term "balls deep" 3 times in the first hour. Thanks a lot, Plenty of Fish.
Dude I've kinda accepted I may leave Nola with the clap.
Why am I getting texts saying are you ready for this butthole? Help
When you and Blake get an apartment I want you to buy this Costco couch I'm currently passing out on.
Honestly I was sitting in managerial accounting thinking "I really need to get my shit together and stop drinking so much wine." But when you asked I realized... it's wine. It's always a yes.
I just want orgasms and emotional validation. Is that too much to ask?
So many questions...the two most important are, where the fuck is my booze and how did you even get the couch through the door?
Randomize
