Where are you?
In a non slutty way
How can she be afraid to give you a blowjob? It's not like your penis is going to turn on her and eat her.
I just hemmed my dress for halloween, never felt more like a man
he told her to call him "Frog Legs" and she still fucked him and not you.
So many lesbians keep hitting on me. I'm about to give up and just go home with the manliest one.
Hey remember that thing i said about never apologizing for being a hot mess? Well that was before you found me drunk in the hallway with no pants.
I guess I just laid down next to him with the entire pot of mac n cheese and started giving him a handie with one hand and eating with the other
Cuz its complicated and I hate complicated and I miss your penis
First table when you walk in. Can't miss us. I'm wearing a feather boa and a green hat
You had me at first table
We're having play-off hate sex for a sport I don't even understand. Go USA!
Everyone keeps telling me I look so healthy and happy today: the power of the penis people!!
I don't think it's food poisoning, I think it's cause you cooked it over burning styrofoam
I was just thinking about our drunk conversation about having sex with elephants the other night. Love you bud. Stay strong.
Very unfortunate to find out the kid who took your virginity has never seen Star Wars🙃
Only I could dislocate my ribcage coaching volleyball and still want to get drunk tonight.
Randomize
