Cold hands, warm shart.
I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
I'm at the store buying plan b and vodka
the cocktail of hope
I fukin lobve the states. Girls here let me fuck them because they like my accent. I may not go back
At one point I was double fisting both beer & ice cream. I love public events in this town.
Ummm so I just found the baby pumpkin that was on my porch last night in Village Pizza this morning on their counter. The cashier said some drunk girl came in and told him it was a present.
I'm sitting on the patient chair, waiting for my vagina to be violated & "i don't want to miss a thing" has been playing on repeat. WHY IS THIS HAPPENING TO ME.
Exactly, finding that perfect flask to come with you on all your adventures is like finding the perfect wedding dress. You have to feel it.
Learned my lesson. Pink pantydroppers out of a beer bong=deceiving
Hey, met you at the bar last night. You probably dont remember my name. You and your friends came back to my place, you shattered my window with your fist then dipped. Your gonna need to pay for that.
Thats where this cut came from! Thanks for piecing together the puzzle dude.
hey dude my crackhead idol just taught me a great way to tie shoes
I still don't understand if he's using me to write his resume or if we're dating
Had sex on your trumpet just an fyi.
You look wasted in ALL of the pictures I just saw you in.
That can't be good for your liver!
Thanks for caring mom.
Bro, I was just laying in bed with this girl and her boyfriend came an woke me up
Randomize
