gavin joseph was born around 1 oclock 9lbs 12oz... over 21 inches long
Thats what she said
She bet her virginity on the Celtics. Looks like Kobe wont be the only one breaking in a new ring.
I definitely didn't wake up this morning thinking "i wanna get gang banged today"
We're not even buying beer. Just vodka. In pre-retrospect this was a bad idea but we're doing it anyway
She was eating whipped cream out of a plunger at 3 am in the morning. Yet somehow she still had an elegance about her.
Apparently you need a permit for a flamethrower.
Mid way while flirting with this super hot chick at the bar, he gets up and says no thanks I'm only 19 and gay just waiting for my buddy to hurry up and get with your friend.
She was covered in mud grabbed my crotch and said see that handprint that means I called dibs
I'm auditing financial statements and ur growing weed this is bullshit how did this happen to me
Novelty of the week: Getting my lipstick back in an evidence bag
should i save it for someone special or be a feminist and be like "my vagina doesnt define me"
When confronted with a choice of going home or fucking the band ALWAYS FUCK THE BAND!!
Happy 4 year arrest-aversary! I promise no thanksgiving has been as eventful as that one haha..
...okay, you can't just say 'masturbating llama' and not explain yourself
thank you for the vibrator recommendation, i've come six times today and it's only noon
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