I think it's safe to say that I made out with the entire msu campus this weekend
you tried to clear everyones facebook status so that yours would be the only one on everyones home page
i carry sandwiches in my pockets more than any normal person should
Lowest moment of my life just occurred. I literally threw up all over myself in front of my parents.
My meds have diminished my sex drive, this must be what regular women feel like
I'm sorry but that single bed couldn't hold all five of us, especially with those boobs.
How do i politely tell him his dick looks like it went thru a meat grinder?
I feel that my cleavage set an unattainably high bar for 2013.
I know you're gay. But if I'm not getting dick, then you have to. That's what friends do.
Whoever put the rooster in the elevator is my fucking hero. Who even thinks of that shit?
The guys in the quick check just recognized me as the girl who bought rolling papers and whipped cream. This is the walk of shame on crack.
the bad thing about being great at twerking is that I'm powerless to stop myself from doing it when I'm drunk and in public.
Why am I sticky / covered in baby Tylonel?
Just in case the world ends tomorrow, I have an emergency contact group of booty calls I can send a quick "let's fuck" to before I die.
Just taking a shit and realized the captain planet theme song is stuck in my head.
Randomize
