remember facepaint boy? turns out it stains. aaaand i have it all over my face and neck.
I'm chasing vodka with french fries.
You said I was the most beatiful preggers youve ever seen...im not pregnant
Just found a hundred dollar bill on the ground. Hope you're looking to drink tonight
we're at Rob's house and just invented the best drinking game ever....we are on Chatroulette and everytime we see a dick we all have to drink.
Well you are. Awfully cute even. Like baby bunnies. And tiny, tiny penises. You know.
he went to have surgery in the morning and apparently they found lip gloss on his dick
I can't leave. She doesn't trust me and my penis being out in the world without supervision.
It's okay. My lingerie drawer is skanky enough for the two of us. Even across borders.
She was the shot vending machine at the party. But free.
Actually some of the best sex I've had involved a lot of laughing.
How small IS your cock?
We're just Facebook friends. Use guy logic. I tapped your wife in high school, 20 years and 60 lbs ago, when she was hot and experimental. Why would I mess with that now? It would ruin the vivid memories of her that I keep in my spank bank.
I will find you...
We had sex on the bear rug. He said "you, me and the bear. This is bear-idise"
Like I could say no to two hot people already naked and fucking. Please. I'm not made of stone.
Twice?!
Okay everything with a penis is officially dead in my eyes
Randomize
