OMG Im so trashed fishy! im sitting hereon my bed wif mcdonalds n i look like david hasselhoff!!!!!! kill me now
someone just sent me a bong wrapped in christmas paper in the mail. signed 'santa'.
He screamed for everyone to hide, unplugged the music, then talked to the cop. Last I saw he was high fiving him...
He's the fucking cop whisperer.
Do you remember unrolling paper towels as a blanket?
If it's any consolation, I've been sitting in the hallway in assless chaps for the past thirty minutes
Me. blonde. Sex. Dance floor.
I am the kind of drunk to where i can still drive a golf cart
But how do I turn off the feelings though?
Vodka.
Let's get matching tattoos, something that resembles our friendship
A tequila worm?
I also woke up on my floor. Naked. On a pile of clothes. With my head in the trash can. And a sheet over me.
Maybe he injected his testicle?
Noted. Next time you want to get fried chicken and cocaine.
Ok. That just sounds baller.
I want to ride his face like a jet ski
She just kept feeding people pretzels and sayying "You're such a good goldfish."
From now on I'd like to be known as Rampage.
Randomize
