whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
Laughlin, where retired strippers come to die.
Hemmingway ran to paris to avoid going to the university of illinois and becoming a doctor. It was there he developed a drinking problem. I need a plane ticket.
I think I've given more of my business cards to Chipotle trying to win free burritos than anyone else
He won't talk to me. He'll only communicate using scissors
I would describe it as pure and unadulterated shock, mixed with horror and a touch of nausea.
Finally put clothes on I've been laying naked in the bed for approximately 4 hours since I showered and by showered I mean when I laid down in the bathtub with the shower on
I'm usually good at keeping a straight face, but not while singing a ballad to a stranger in a bathroom.
The fact that I can sew my leggings while intoxicated proves I'm a functioning alcoholic
I just took a plan B pill with my preworkout. That's the level I'm on today.
I remember walking into a bathroom stall that had a couple fucking in it and giving them a condom and a thumbs up and then leaving
Okay, maybe filling water balloons with vodka was not our best idea.
I need to get some goddam control over my hormones
For real his Facebook page says he studied "sexual arts" at some random college I've never heard of. You've been warned.
I just found an entire bag of French fries under the seat of my car labeled "For emergency use only" drunk me is always planning ahead.
Randomize
