I just saw my grandmother naked. again. this needs to stop now.
Im telling you now. Hang out with winning football players and you get whatever the hell you want. Sorry to wake you. But its important knowledge.
this is the fifth day in a row i've woken up after 3 pm, hungover. I might die when snowmageddon is finally over and we have to go back to class. my liver wont know how to take it.
stumble upon led me to how to make wine in prison, followed by wedding dresses. it knows my life too well
I jerked off enough times today to safely commit to the fact that im not getting laid tonight
she keeps giving me cups of everbeer.. its everclear and beer mixed. i guess its blackout or backout time
He told me something must be wrong, because no one had seen my boobs yet
Member that time when we got super drunk and had fun and fell in love
I remember it like it was tomorrow.
What do you want to swallow. Press 1 whiskey press 2 rum
It's not ok to announce to a group of people playing beer pong that a girl put her finger in your butt last night. I now know this
Drunkenly, I gave him a molly instead of an aleve so A) I'm still looking for him and B) I'm not sure about his headache.
She's been with the dude for a week saying she's in love. Yeah so am I. I just opened this beer 5 minutes ago and I LOVE IT ALREADY.
Just thought of the perfect gift for mom.... how about not telling her about my fourth open intoxicant ticket I got last night?
I threw my shoes out of frustration and walked home barefoot... can you help me find my shoes in the morning
At what point did i decide poptarts, nyquil, and whiskey was a good idea?
Randomize
