I want to be a jewelry store heckler. "Hey man, is she really worth it"
It's like a parade of train wrecks.
Ended up passed out drunk in the neighbors lawn, still in costume. Neighbors thought I was a lawn decoration. Ten points for best Halloween ever.
Took an aderol, wrote a differential equation for solving volume of flow of a rectangular channel with change in depth, then masturbated for the 6th time.
He felt like a one man threesome
yeah, but the likliness of me finding my husband at a party where the facebook event is titled "NEW YEARS EVE SHIT SHOW" is highly unlikely
All I heard was "I swear it'll be funny" and then we were in jail.
Emergency need house key where r u I just got shit o n
I lost a little respect for your boyfriend when I learned that he has a scar from a Cheerio.
He's basically wearing those Nike boner sweatpants. It's hard not to jump him. How has your day been?
I bought a sword. Make the proper arrangements.
You know what's even more awkward then buying plan b from someone who is a member at the gym you work at... When they come in after that day and have that look of recognition
I'll come hang out with you guys later, but right now my parents aren't home and I have to take full advantage of being able to watch porn on full blast.
Watching Supernatural does more for me sexually than the physical encounters with 90% of the men in my life.
Do not ever look at a picture of an erect ostrich penis. You will regret it.
Randomize
