i'm sleeping with myself tonight because i remember my name and i won't regret it in the morning. sorry.
What can I say...he's packing some serious heat down there. You wouldn't expect that looking at him, huh?
I guess God knew he was going to be bald...
I just won Halloween Walk of Shame Bingo!
Do you think we're allowed to sign male strippers into the building with a valid id?
I tried carrying you from the bathroom to your bed and you begged me to bring the toilet too
Don't use the things I tell you while drunk after the bruins won the cup against me
I CAME HOME WITH MY NIPPLES PEIRCED! WE WERE CAMPING. IN THE MOUNTIANS. I DONT EVEN REMEMBER IT AT ALL.
And all you did was hit on me and do things "for America", so you weren't judged heavily
Am I a bad person for getting my ex to DD me and a random hookup home last night?
I'm at a new rock bottom. Malibu on ice at work because it's the only thing they've got and no mixers.
I can feel my teeth in 4 dimensions. I shouldnt be this high at 8 in the morning.
Marrying her is the worst scenario of any. That includes death and zombies.
we're forecasting high levels of inebriation into the evening with dropping temperatures late at night
Had to lock my cat in the bathroom so I could masturbate in peace.
For real his Facebook page says he studied "sexual arts" at some random college I've never heard of. You've been warned.
Randomize
