Hey dude. Went to the hospital. Call me when you get up
Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
So I thought I was slick leaving his room this morning all incognito. Little did I know I was wearing his football jersey with his name across the back... stilettos & my bra was left behind. never seeing that again
The things that come out of my body both amaze and disturb me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i just sent my parents are gone come over I have condoms to my mom because Derek changed my numbers while I was passed out
I have a feeling that watching gay porn with you was the reason I was dancing in a hurricane of floating dicks in my dream last night.
Tonight marks the 1 yr anniversary of me waking up in a bush. is that reason enough to celebrate?
He literally had a note from his doctor saying he wasn't allowed to finger me for a week
Just be happy that you're the pretty friend. Otherwise you would have had to walk home alone, like me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
What an age we live in that I can try to pick up a guy by using my phone while I'm taking a shit at work.
Dude I wanna go on a booze cruise
Dude our life is a booze cruise
But without boats...
I walked in on him fucking my best friend. I think we've reached the point of following each other on twitter.
ugh I gave him morning sex and he doesn't even text me back for my bagel order
I just bought a butt plug on Amazon prime day and you're the only person I felt would appreciate that decision
I knew she was the one when we had sex to the halo soundtrack.
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