no more stoned jack in the box. this is the third night in a row.
i'm so hungover...i might vomit in a handbag instead of selling them
Kristen just told everyone at the bar that I've got a huge dick, now Brittany is giving me the eye. What is the opposite of FML?
Just got thank you sex for shoveling the driveway. I cant wait for the next blizzard
WHOA. WHOA. WTF. WHOA. TOO HIGH FOR HIM TO BE ENGAGED RIGHT NOW.
She said her hobbies include bangin guys on one night stands and then sending them facebook relationship requests the next morning just to freak em out
im just laying here pukin in my mouth and swallowing it 'cause im WAY too lazy to actually get up and find a place to vomit. this is my life now.
You BETTER NOT STEAL MY MOTHERFUCKING SQUIRREL
There are both cum and chocolate stains on my sheets. Can't decide whether this is a new low or a new high.
He wore pink swim trunks on our date and repeatedly insulted my profession, but his cat kept standing up like a person to nuzzle my face and I felt like a Disney Princess. I hate this dude, but the cat is too amazing for me to not fake interest for.
I think I found my saving grace in the form of a beard at the bar.
Charging my vibrator at work. Pray to god I don't forget it!!!
U dont jog and buy condoms n bulk
So, do I need to remind you to keep it classy tonight?
No, because if you have to be reminded it isn't classy.
Same way I cope with everything else. With dildos, dunkin and depeche mode
Randomize
