I just farted. And everybody around me is looking at the fat girl to my left. I win.
I told her I was team Edward. I haven't gotten laid that easy since I told your sister that I had cancer
dude im at a party with a bunch of 17 year old gilrs this is awesome
no its not leave
Come on, video tape it. Take one for the team
in hindsight, the duct tape banana hammock was a bad idea.
plan d- we get drunk, go see that Justin Bieber movie and freak out 13 year old girls.
you sat in the middle of your kitchen floor feeding your dog blueberries one by one
I hope I take a shit on your face in your dreams tonight.
We've been walking through the woods for two hours, he just keeps taking pictures. At least we'll remember this tomorrow.
Next time I feel awkward in a situation I'm going to just yell "free bird!!!!" Like some redneck at lynyrd skynyrd show
In light of this week's heat-wave, we are having a house vote tonight on the temporary suspension of the "no smoking indoors" clause. Please bring your voting cards to the living room at 6:30pm
Point of Clarification: by "voting card" we mean a full beer and/or shots
So I've been in more fights on one leg than I've had on two.
All I know is I drank too much, danced too little.. yet somehow woke up on the floor in the arms of some cowboy.
At least your vagina gets to vagina again. Dust that thing off.
I woke up with what has to be a whole pack of smarties loose in my bra. Was that your fault?
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