You know your in college when you decide house chores with games of beer pong...
I was so high I couldn't tell if they were goosebumps or herpes.
I have no idea what happened last night, but you're the only person I remember smashing my face into. Be honored.
He skyped me to learn how to roll a joint and for us to masturbate together. And you said a long distance relationship wouldn't work.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i should teach a seminar on how to fall off the wagon
You called me 32 times last night just to tell me you felt a heartbeat in your vagina?
Woke up shivering behind the titty bar, With the worst leg cramps. I'm like a poster boy for responsibility.
Dude I walked 1.4 miles through the hotel wearing a cowboy hat, pink topped boots, gucci shades, and a scarf and met my parents in the hallway at 7 am how is this not a good start to Vegas?
Looking forward to meeting the person naked and passed out at my kitchen table.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't remember much of last night. But I woke up with very apologetic texts from him this morning so apparently I didn't get laid. Which is stupid.
It's 2:10 am I am sprawled on the floor of the kitchen drunk and eating cold chicken wings come help
My purse is like an anchor I can't move I am sliding around like an over turned turtle send help
This floor is really dirty send a maid if you can
She wouldnt stop trying to stick her finger in my ass. I wish she wasnt so hot
after attempting to eat a candy cane bigger than my hand i have determined there's no way to eat this that doesn't seem erotic
He made a deal with his real estate agent called fucking in 50 properties for sale
I lost my wolf penis dildo in my garage. I should probably find it before I resume my garage sale tomorrow...
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