I think condoms have that nasty latex smell to remind you in the morning of how gross you are.
giving a blow job on a jetski isn't as easy as it sounds.
she said if I bought her franzia she would blow me, and she would fuck me if I splurged on martini and rossi. Franzia it is
I froze in his sixty one degree room but i came so hard. Like fucking the eskimo god.
All I remember is that the bartender wouldn't give me scissors cuz I was too drunk
I don't remember its real name, I just call it the Harrison Ford Cush after that idea with the Indiana Jones mask. I should just get high and sell people my ideas for their Halloween costumes all the time. I'd make a fucking fortune.
Well... this vagina won't eat itself
I just puked in my non fat yogurt... But it's non fat in hopes that someone wants to eat my vagina
he was like "can i get a kiss" and i was like "can i get a taco"
Easter was a success. We had an egg hunt and hid weed and conforms inside them. Cooked a ham, made some jello, got wasted. THIS is adulthood?!
last thing I remember is yelling 'sit on my face' through a traffic cone
And I just got smacked in the face by my cat. Apparently I'm supposed to be awake now.
Literally I can feel my heart beat in my vagina because of how sore I am
I do not love him. There is no love. Only sex and meatloaf.
Also I think I set a new personal record. Definitely slept with him less than 45 minutes after meeting him. Oh god my life.
I'm gonna go take a shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
Randomize
