I don't even remember his name...i'm just gonna save it as birthday sex
Do you think unemployment will give me a christmas bonus?
it's like your virginity...sometimes you have to pretend like it's still there
I want him to get the hint. I sent 4 texts that only said "sex."
I'm pretty sure this isn't my phone, but I do like these nude pics
He busted his lip while trying to keep from passing out in the pool. The hotel people don't seem to be too concerned that we're passing around a bottle of SoCo at 11 am.
I'm surprised I haven't crapped out a leprechaun, I'm so hungover
When we were fucking he said and I quote "we're like a sex fajita"
But seriously who drew a dick on a tortilla and nailed it to the door?
I was originally going to go as fembot from Austin Powers
I wanted to have tiny guns for tits
somehow a ride to walgreens turned into a threesome.
He lit a shoe on fire and tried putting it out by peeing on it
My brother is so high right now he's eating frozen peas and called them "fucking delightful"
The dentist walked in on me trying to bottle some laughing gas to take home with me. That high.
I’m traumatised. Bring vodka and condoms.
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