I hope you get used to having plenty of sperm because you're never gonna get any.
who knew getting puke in ur hair could make it look so cute and curly. minus the crusty puke part
After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
Okay I'm all about any plan that ends with "We're gonna get you drunk."
Everytime I see a couple on campus walking and holding hands I just want to yell he's gonna lie!
I just want dick. Yours just gets priority because it is glorious
Finished the final in under ten minutes and then puked in the bushes outside. I don't even care if I graduate anymore.
I don't want to talk. I just want to motorboat those tits
Will i get arrested If i steal the salvatiion arny guys bell for ringing it to close to my hangover
Food poisoning on first date... Still rode the mechanical bull like a champ
Literally every boy I've dated is now in a somewhat successful band. My vagina has obviously been blessed by the rock gods.
It's like if you wanna bond just do a ropes course or have group sex you don't have to be weird about it
We're gonna start a pole dancing competition or a bar fight. Stand by for results.
Fuck you guys, I'm trying to nurse my hangover and eat my chicken tenders in peace.
she just kept pointing at the cows and calling them field penguins
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