I have a hot bod, but my face sucks, what can i do?
i'm in hospital, i have an exam in 3 hours and the man in the cubicle next to me is doing a noisy poo. this has to get better.
**i WaNt TO sLaP mY niECe wHO ThINks iT iS cUte tO WriTE LiKE tHiS**
we've started having sober sex
you really do like him
I feel like I just rode a horse, did a million jumping jacks, ran a marathon and need a carton on cigarettes. best sex hands down... EVER
Lol okay. He's gonna show up with like a trunk of sex toys. He's like the mary poppins of hotel fucking.
I screamed "I want dick!" in the middle of the intersection. So many hot guys. I wish you were here.
Just woke up from a dream where I had lesbian sex with myself (a clone of me)... Take that, Freud!
What kind of present accurately says to my male suitemate "I'm sorry that I accidentally flashed you my vagina while I was super drunk"?
He puked in the middle of it and I still wasn't disappointed.
I am now "wine pairing" tums flavors with my strongbow, because apparently hard cider gives me heartburn.
I mean, I already hooked up with her boyfriend. The least I can do is accept her facebook friend request.
theres a canoe in our lawn. we dont own a canoe.
it was the only safe place
I accidentally put Bacardi in my coffee this morning. I ain't even mad.
we decided to take the jello everclear shot at the party...didnt think it tasted any different....o dear god...the regret..
Randomize
