I think I'm cybering, it's been a while and its more in depth than it was in 8Th grade.
I was hitting on her while she was puking ... yeah i was pretty drunk
There are topless girls riding the lawn flamingos. I win.
Me and your penis are best friends. You don't know it, but I whisper my secrets whenever I give you blowjobs. We even have a secret handshake. We can't be separated from each other. We just can't.
Can't. I took a Viagra to make sure I wouldnt leave the room so I might actually study.
Until you find your self finger banging supergirl in the middle of the dance floor while her friends are passing around for luigi mustache for a photo op, YOU HAVE NOT HIT MY LEVEL
I didn't ask for a picture of your soft dick.
Whiskey and an unstable home life is apparently the fountain that 20-something boys like to drink from.
This weekend i learned three things 1) skittles in vodka is good 2) it takes more than a roll of quarters to get a cab home 3) never tell a bartender to give you your change in actual change
Next time I think buying tan-thru bikinis is a good idea, remind me of that time I passed out in one and burned the epic shit out of my pussy.
When was that?
Yesterday. Bring aloe. For my pussy.
I'm like still hungover from the quinceanera.
We were all day drunk by 2pm. Now I know why they hate Americans
My diet has been 80% Fun Dip this week, soooo, no. Not good.
If a clean cut ginger with a flannel and tattoos shows up at the apartment, he is allowed inside.
Imma do four shots of whisky within two minutes and pass out. Otherwise this'll go badly.
Randomize
