Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
This just in: Jon Gosselin's address-The Alexandra. I bet if we showed up he'd date us.
I fell asleep with crest white strips on and ate one...
i'm drinking with a bunch of phds, i feel very stupid but good about my drinking abilities
there has got to be a maximum amount of semen a person can take in before they get some kind of poisoning.
Disasters an understatement. Hurricane alpha chi omega hit. On my way to buy carpet cleaner, super glue, and a new liver. Be back soon.
I'm eating the rest of the Xmas shrooms and welcoming 2012 by communing with the pine cone.
Want to come over? I'm getting stoned and watching Netflix and making s'mores over a candle in my room
He said and I quote "Had to beat one off in the Burger King bathroom before I went over." Thats somebody that takes pride in his work.
If you're going to drink sriracha straight from the bottle whilst crying, at least wear the giant sombrero for the enjoyment of your audience.
Saw a girl on a walk of shame bend down and look in a pizza box by a trash can to see if there was still a slice left. That's when you know
You 2012 self promised me that you would do LSD with me, and it's 2015 now. So.
Plus, I'm basically a doctor, so what could go wrong.
Well my parents know I get medical Cannabis they saw me on the news at the dispensary
You act like tequila is some sort of sex juice
I'm just letting you know right now in advance that if I die or go to the hospital or end up in jail tonight it's because your kid sold me mushrooms.
Randomize
