A 14 year old with a teardrop tattoo just tried to sell me weed. I'm in the wrong fucking neighborhood.
i realized i had a pad on before i went to this guys house so i stuck it in his neighbors shrub.
Had her hockey skates on in the house. Whole floor is ruined.
Drunkenly auctioned off my bed for 3 tequila shots
I'm genuinely dissapointed that we didn't make any fat chicks cry
we are both sitting on my bed desperately refreshing the order tracking page for dominos.
I'm treating this like a real date. My boobs aren't even out.
I'm so proud, I have tears
Uh, he still talks to you after you basically sexually harassed him using emojis?
I hate ovaries. They're horrible little sacs of satanic enmity.
That's the most poetic description of female anatomy I've ever heard.
I can't handle more than one dick at once. I become crazy. It's hard to be mellow and free spirited and polygamous at the same time.
Someone took a shit in the house somewhere and I STILL can't find it. I'm just going to move.
😂😂😂 what are we doing to these poor guys?!
Maintaining the status quo.
I'm literally the definition of crunk, sunburnt, and dehydrated. I'm going to die tomorrow.
I just gave a fucking twenty minute blowiob.. I'm a GOOD girlfriend.
Did he pick you up in a mini van?
Yes. Turns out my sugar daddy is about to be an actual daddy
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