I'm home alone watching The Hills seasons, eating pickles and drinking straight rye. I just googled "how to make friends". Probably not the most pro-active solution. Help.
you thought you were invisible so you started narrating your actions.
Im going home to examine my vagina with a hand mirror. wish me luck.
did you really just refer to me me as an old fashioned penis?
Some guy just yelled at me from his car "CLIIIIIIIIIITT"... I feel like this has something to do with last night....
If people don't want my drunken phone call then TAKE YOUR FUCKING NUMER OFF OF FACEBOOK, like it's just that easy...
I wish they could condense everything I needed, nutritionally speaking, into mike and ikes
She wanted to make popcorn, but the air-popper was broken. So she dumped the entire container of kernels into the clothes dryer. Drunk movie night was a success!
he told me he could still feel the blowjob i gave him last year
wow. THAT good huh
Well I have rug burns in both armpits, somehow. So yes you should have been here
You told me to keep you from drinking, but we both know I'm not that kind of friend.
I have enough bourbon in me to put Justin's cat in the dishwasher.
Literally.... Guy kissing himself in mirror in this hotel elevator
I think someone shaved off all their pubes in the handicap stall or a werewolf stopped by the office to take a crAzy dump!
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she cant stop having the shits.
Randomize
