U know those big foam mats in the back gym for track?
ya, gonna go have sex there?
No I want one to have wings and pick me up and take me home
I either date the nice guys or the assholes. There isn't any in between.
You need to find a taint.
She acts like you when your on meds
She acts like batman?
giving yourself 2 days to recover i see
I'll need it. Largely because i'm going to be stumbling through fancy restaurants with a bottle of whiskey insulting couples all night.
So they're giving me a CT scan because I probably have a hernia. From getting a BJ from you. Really. This may be a pivotal moment in my decision to write a book about my life
i told her she would have to blow me everytime we lost a game of beer pong, she never noticed i purposely hit our opponents in the face every other shot
I just want to see him this morning so I can bask in my wasted accomplishment.
Hahah fuck. I keep looking to make sure that stupid line doesn't show up when my guards are down. Babies can sense fear.
you're trying to get a guy who's been in a coma for 2 weeks and who thought he was in '08 yesterday to drive you to the liquor store?
yeah, you wanna come?
I heard moaning and ass slapping and sponge bob.
She loves introducing her friends to my foreskin.
Where's Taylor bro?
Never mind found him under the sink
I really have to stop having sex with people I sell drugs to...it feels unprofessional
Apparently at some point last night someone gave me tequila. There was a few shots left when I woke up so that was breakfast. This is a good birthday
WHY are you masturbating to hockey fights?
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