I feel like my nuva ring should have a vibrating switch.
I found a dealer that takes plastic. I'm so in trouble.
Seriously, stop peeing all over the toilet seat. It looks like movie theatre butter.
So I got a little fucked up on the punch, and made out with the family friend. Which is apparently morally reprehensible. I don't get that.
she was seriously choking and the whole time all he kept saying was "that's what she said"
Just found out my mom tried to sue the birth control company when she got pregnant with me...love you too mom.
saw a man tazing a raccoon in the middle of the street last night... normal
I can always make him wear a mask... I'll tell him it's a fetish.
I was so drunk. I apparently did a flip over the balcony using it as monkey bars. Ya I hurt a bit today
This is your liver's 7:15 wake up call. Mandatory margarita popsicles after work today. Rule #71: no excuses, play like a champ!
I should not be in class today. For the professors sake.
He is gay. There is no bi when you have a manhunt AND you are an art major. That's like a unicorn without a horn, it just isn't possible.
Pretty sure I picked a cat up off the street and took him home with me, fed him tuna, then let him go
I just woke and boke and made apple pancakes. I'm kicking Monday in the dick.
Would love to dress up in respectable attire and take you out somewhere nice and then do disgusting crude things in public
Randomize
