You stood in front of a yellow Camaro and kept yelling at it to "Transform already!!!!".. yeah, I'd say you were pretty wasted.
I've spent more money on drugs for bonnaroo than my actual ticket. Proudly.
Oh and jess is gonna pee in our guest bedroom to mark her territory.
I don't remember its real name, I just call it the Harrison Ford Cush after that idea with the Indiana Jones mask. I should just get high and sell people my ideas for their Halloween costumes all the time. I'd make a fucking fortune.
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So im guessing you dont remember the walk home, where you layed down in the alley and began to sing "threes company too" and when i told you to get up you had the nerve to tell me i was to drunk.
Maybe I'm a robot.
You can't be that drunk already
Lol okay. He's gonna show up with like a trunk of sex toys. He's like the mary poppins of hotel fucking.
in other news i'm homewrecking via instagram
He looks like a fat version of lurch from the adams family and smells like fritos. This is not the caliber man I want pleasuring himself to the thought of me!
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Let's try finding a bar where there aren't people who want to hang me from a tree by my nutsack
I'm so hung over that I'm pretty sure I can feel the earth's rotations when I close my eyes.
They said you went back in for 30 minutes and were walking with your arms out like an eagle soaring
I felt like I was having sex with Joffrey from Game of Thrones. Needless to say how bad it was
There's just something classy about smoking a blunt in a prom dress.
The problem with adderall is that no matter what I'm doing, I feel like it was the most productive thing I've EVER done.
Did you alphabetize our spice cupboard again?
...You'll thank me later.
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