you sent me the whole alphabet, one letter a text. it took 15 minutes to read them all
I tried making the sex a little better this time so right before I blew I yelled "ready or not here I come!"
So my game is weak??
If your game is "Lets have sex, and maybe pizza" then yes.
Dude before you bang that chick preheat the oven to 425 I wanna make a pizza for afties
I was taking a bath and he burst in, sat down and started taking a shit. RIGHT BESIDE ME. My lack of privacy astounds me.
For someone only wearing socks and a cast, I felt reallyy overdressed
OH MY GOD DO YOU REMEMBER WISHBONE? DO YOU REMEMBER THAT LITTLE BITCH? WHAT'S THE STORY WISHBONE
You left me a voice message at 5 a.m. It was mostly incoherent noise, you screaming my name and then something about a man with two butt holes...
No no no he wouldn't talk to me before I showed his best friend how good I am at twerking
I also slapped not one but two bananas on the ass, twerked in public, and I think I made out with someone
I shouldn't have to tell you to stop throwing knives at me.
YOU WAXED MY CAT YOU SICK FUCK
We found you with your penis in the vacum hose crying softly...
PANTIES FOUND
Being high is definitely not the perfect addition to this family dinner. No. My grandma trips me the fuck out.
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