You know your life is awesome when sometimes you walk down the street eating a sandwich and you run into someone you had a threesome with. And not say hi.
i'm so high i feel like the people i'm chatting with online can some how see that i'm naked.
it was beautiful and magic like when a hot girl grabs her own tits and smiles at you
she called me screaming that i shouldn't ignore her phone calls, because she's not trying to get me to hang out with her and she doesn't want to be my girlfriend, she just wants sex.
what did you do?
i asked her out. that's so hot.
Wow, Pearl Harbor and The Notebook are on. Its like the Im going to kill myself marathon.
No one knows who he is but he hasn't missed a shot in beer pong yet. He's dressed as lance armstrong and is tearing shit up.
For my 21st birthday, I require a kiddy pool filled with vodka. Make it so.
I feel like every picture I upload of him on facebook where you can see his purity ring, I should make the caption "something in this picture does not belong"
Last night I had sex with one of the groomsmen I was in the wedding with. In a stairwell. 13 years my senior. Thinking I should retire from the bridesmaid gig.
The cop told us he we helped him pass his monthly bong quota. He almost ran out of room on the hood of his car..
Wait do we still get bagels if no one got laid
I know it doesn't seem right, but sometimes, bagels are just flat out called for.
Saying I've had more balls in my mouth than you is the last clear, coherent thing I remember.
he just left the suite without pants on wrapped in Christmas lights
In my defense I didn't know there was concrete on the other side of that fence when I tossed him over it.
You're both fucking idiots and this is why I should never let you two drink alone.
Honestly cannot tell if I’m magical or really, really high.
Randomize
