Would it be quicker to bike the freeway home?
Dude I just peed on my pants. not in them though. and yes there is a difference
I wish i could clap on, clap off my penis
I'm drinking too much free beer
Thats like saying one owns too many kittens. It's not possible.
New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
Some cougar Brit said she loved me. America is bouncing back.
Well I think I made it pretty obvious I wasn't in to it. I was drinking a beer while he was going down in me
I'm gonna write a song for the kids called "you're systematically killing your mother". In it I will explain that my recent hypertension and increase in smoking is due to them being dicks
I have no idea how but i got a hold of a blue food dye packet. And proceeded to rub it all over my tits. So yeah i'd say its safe to say i'll be known as smurfette for a while
He peed my bed and tried to say it was just the wine. The red wine. On white sheets. He's not a good liar.
This is stupid. I am not getting knocked up from fucking in his backseat behind a starbucks. I refuse.
Welcome to my Tuesday when my lesbian ex girlfriend shows up unexpectedly and gets me drunk and then leaves
Beard. Chest hair. Job.
The holy trinity.
ok morning sex is a totally valid reason to come in late... ur good, cya in 20
I feel like I have the I just lost my virginity face and everyone at the grocery store knows it.
Randomize
