I may just buy something cuz i have 6 weddings in the next year and a half.
Holy shittt I don't even have a bf
recycled a plan b box. kill a baby. save a tree.
By midnight I was dipping doritos in frosting...that's how my simmer break diet is going.
Freshman ate returning to campus. Let Operation Slut Storm commence.
Men are not even allowed to look at you without a condom on.
Swear to god you say cuddle bunny one more time and honest to god I will sacrifice a bunny on the hood of your car
Last night she walked off and disappeared from everyone got home at 330 and said she went to the casino with her cab driver.
I'm prostituting myself for tickets to Disney World. There's a contradiction there.
You know you're high when, "Why can't I steal the duck?!" Becomes a serious question.
EXCEPT MY COUSIN SAW MY SEX TAPE!
So now I know what having sex while surrounded by chickens feels like.
We shared a dick. We're practically sisters!
Your vagina is not a steamboat from the 1800's
He made her leave because she liked Top-Ramen better than Maruchaun. He's my hero.
I ordered from the drive thru as i was peeing on the menu
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