yeah it was kind of like, i'm 27 and still live in a frat house.. you honestly expect me to have "moral fiber" and a "conscience"
You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
Please tell me this is my four loko that I just woke up in....
I have hit nutritional rock bottom I am spreading peanut butter on to lays potato chips
YOU STOLE THE WEDDING CAKE?!?!
Only one tier
Tastes like cardboard anyway
Just got that "I know what's going on with your vagina" look from that CVS cashier.
You bought MORE?!
Just did a "spirit of homecoming" bump off a stranger's credit card. A stranger that dropped us off at home. Erica's bad. How do allllll of the Eastern Europeans know how to find drugs so easily?!?
He wouldn't let me put a red handprint on his face or scream to him everytime he walked away.
Why did you want to do any of that?
If someones last name is Wilson, you are obligated to pretend that you are Tom Hanks and they are a Volleyball and quote the movie when you speak to them.
Went home last night with a guy in a tutu, didn't know he was wearing a tutu until he threw it at me in the bedroom. God I love Halloween.
He was nothing but deer-caught-in-headlight eyes and dick, it was adorable
I'm about to play another round of who's panties are in my car.
HE LEFT ME THE DAY AFTER I LET HIM PEE ON ME. If you date him after that, I'll leave the fucking PLANET.
Update: I spent 10 minutes trying to fish out a rogue vagina weight.
I just met his mom for the first time with a hang over. Then we went to watch his 8 year old cousin get baptized. Apparently his family loves me. I should drink more often.
when I found u, u were using a t-shirt for pants
Randomize
