i think my tv is drunk
he wanted to give me a nickname... my choices were superjugs,godzilla boobs or mouth of fury
she smelled like a LAN party
Brutal- a couple weeks back I had a 28 hr blackout and four day hangover. S'why I decided to haul it in
she said my body looked tiny like it was a bad thing and then didn't even mention how great my tits look. it's like we're not even friends.
The girl with a dislocated arm just did an assisted keg stand. You will never have an excuse again.
We're smoking a joint the size of the average penis right now. I may not survive.
how many thumbs am i supposed to have at one time
you found the shrooms didnt you
I'm in a pile of cheezits at an unfamiliar location watching dateline on tlc. Stage an intervention.
i woke up in his neighbors pool house. Not sure how I got here but there is people swimming outside. how do I escape?
just fucking run.
We dropped so many bottles they would only give us plastic cups. We actually drank ourselves back to preschool.
Here's what I don't understand. How does anyone watch you eat mayo for 12 minutes and then ever fuck you again??
He fed us edamame like baby birds. Slowly all coming back to me.
Well I either feel like the fat girl or very accomplished because his bed is now broken in three places
I woke up at 5am on my couch, naked, with a cereal bowl of water next to me. Apprently, drunk me thought I was a kitten last night. Super impressed I slept next to the bowl all night and didn't spill a drop.
Randomize
