Just before going down on me she said, "I need a hairband for all of the jobs I'm about to perform."
Look, we all have our slutty phases. Mine is just forever.
After we fucked he shhhh'd me and said your welcome
Can we promise no matter what that we have sex the night the Mayan calendar runs out?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
PA to anyone at the party last night and wondering where your pants are: they are in my backyard.
The guys are trying to figure out my orientation....think theyve settled on "drunksexual"
Whatever I'm getting wasted, my costume's bomb, and there's a good chance I'm getting laid. Not letting stupidity ruin my night!
Never in my life did I think i would give a blow job in the bathroom of my old elementary school. Twice.
She wanted to get out of there before you guys woke up so she wouldn't let me find my underwear. Lol So I apologize to whoever finds that in your room.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just so u know, "come here buckey" has no effect on ur cat, but "hey fucker you wanna get high or what?" will cause him to run from the other room knocking shit over. We smoked outta the gravity bong, then he went and ate.
Oh hello Jordan's parents, I'm here to have sex with your son. He's in the shower? Oh great, I'll join him
You were laying on the floor coloring a "get well soon' card for your liver...
Your slutty phase was the highlight of my year.
the sex is SO much better when he thinks im going insane
I need to bang the neighbor boy. He’s given three women screaming orgasms this week alone.
Also, my apartment walls are too thin
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