why would she cut her hair? she needs all the distractions possible from those texas-sized gums and horse teeth.
She was wasted. Kept yelling "what if I'm pregnant" and trying to push me into the tree. First and last time I bring a girl to my family christmas party.
I just saw a van full of amish parents and their kids. Those cheating mother fuckers!
I just taped a plastic bag to my ceiling for the next time I have to throw up on the top bunk. Why am I so good at college?
I mean, once you help another girl drunker than you zip her jeans you can't help but be friends after that
I got mine. It's a truly beautiful penis. Plus he pulled his tongue muscle on my vagina.
I am now trying to reassure her that she doesn't have a wide-set vagina. So thanks, for whatever you said.
He's had mdma poured down his throat. He's getting huggy.
I just sold my hat for three car bombs. I call that a win.
Sometimes turtles just really trip me out man
He sent me a picture of his dick saying "your throne my lady" for my birthday. He knows the way to my heart.
I'm tempted to randomly yell out 'SO HOW IS YOUR UNDERAGE GIRLFRIEND' but that would be callous
He just unloaded a dump truck full of red flags on my head.
My pizza delivery guy was so hot I was like omg please let this be the beginning of a porno
You were yelling at a tree saying it should be in the forest..
Don't judge me.
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