i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...
O.A.R does not stand for Old Recycled Abortions.
I want to frame my negative pregnancy test.
Jerry just sent me this: IOR GHIT ALL THE BUTTIB. Go get him. Now.
my hip hurts so fuckin bad. and I just found a half eaten burrito in my nightstand drawer.
i would like you to please flash back to us blacked out in the bathroom when you told me i needed to take one for the team and have a threesome with you and jon to help your relationship. you then told me you had no issue putting ghb in my drink to make it happen.
How bad would it be to ask my maintenance man for new blinds because the dude puked on those too?
Last night I made the hotel shuttle driver take me to Walgreens for birth control, and Pringles.
They were both high priority
So it was all good until she started grabbing my beard and telling me to "roar little lion"
I put his pb&j sandwich in my bra and never looked back
Lol if he questions who I am I'm gonna send him a pic of his boxers
I can't believe you won 5 grand from the casio last night and spent more than 80% on tacobell and strippers already
So drunk last night I reviewed my recent anazon purchase of secret deodorant. Trust me, it was eloquent.
i was so proud for not passing out at the same time as usual. i screamed that i had a "new personal best!" then some jackass explained daylight savings.
Is 10AM too early for pizza and Dr. Pepper?
Only if 5PM is too early to be drunk. And when has that ever stopped us?
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