omg. I had the wrong window open and I accidentaly posted my credit card # on twitter
Whats your twitter name
I just watched a girl at work pick her nose with 4 of her 5 fingers. So I now know what sausage biscuits taste like in vomit form.
Why do I feel like I used to feel when I almost got caught looking at porn when I get caught looking at facebook at work
Who would have sex with her? She looks like she shops at baby gap
turn left when you see the girl thats puking on the sidewalk. she hasnt been moving much so she makes a good street marker
i don't really know how much tequila is too much
She's gonna be fat in the future. On a side note I had a "It's not you, it's me." conversation with a bottle of jack last night.
She's a squirter....that makes up for lots of other annoying things
Highlight of the night: paying my cell phone bill at the bar... I need to get laid.
Today I'm judging my level of singleness on a scale of one to eat-a-can-of-frosting. It's not looking good for me.
Ooooh. Get funfetti
I feel like you guys are talking about real things and have real problems and I'm just over here like 'should I take muscle relaxers or get drunk tonight?'
also Jesus you really need to change your diet. I just washed your baby gravy out of my hair and it's so acidic my hair is damaged. You have killer sperm
We were walking home from Pluckers (read carrying your drunk ass) and out of nowhere you yelled "Say bitch you got a Facebook?" at a random chick walking by.
He was dressed as the 420 Easter bunny...he looked like a walking anti-drug campaign.
Day two of not drinking, I think my cat is trying to eat me.
Psychosis secondary to sobriety???
Randomize
