is it wrong that i plan on stealing a few pipecleaners from my preschool classroom to clean my bowl?
I'm more picky about my flip flops than the guys I sleep with
I keep having to talk dad out of putting tequila in the milkshakes.
High school girls are buying me shots. This will not end well.
The first couple times was just weird, but after last night, I'm beginning to think you have a real problem banging pregnant women who are carrying someone elses child.
shit went down at the bar when this girl with 'morals' totally cock blocked a married guy. she actually kicked IN the bathroom door when they were fucking in there. then we all did shots.
You were buying shots for everyone, saying, "I got a tax refund. I'm a MILLIONAIRE."
Someone please drive out to my house to bring me a beer.. There are some in the fridge but I just can't get up
Drinking Hot Toddies on the Porch and blasting bob dylans "hurricane" bring it on sandy!
It's all fun and games until your AARP eligible neighbors end up blacking out in your yard at 5pm with a box of franzia. I'm feeling a great year ahead
On a unprofessional note, there's a new girl in photo.
That wasn't unprofessional. The fact that I'm going to fuck her is unprofessional.
Ugh. He got her for secret santa. Idk what to get. Idk what she's into.
... other people's boyfriends.
You should of known that i was high if i refer to myself as melting into anything
got cock blocked by the cops again. two of the cops were the same ones from that t bell incident and they recognized me... they still dont like me
Neighbor just came over and asked if I had anything to clean blood out of carpet... it's definitely time to move.
Randomize
