I just made a moltov cocktail out of lubricant and a christmas bulb. The fire is still going strong. MERRY CHRISTMAS
I started drinking at 10.30am. Ive got a solid buzz, ive decided holidays are to be treated like gamedays
we were like drunken butterflies among sober caterpillars,
Did we have sex last night or did we just wake up naked covered in oil?
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Before I dignify that with an answer, let me get this straight. You're asking me if I wiped my ass on the towels?
Hey man sorry, can't talk. I'm already taking risks by ripping the bong on this conference call.
I'm pretty sure he told me he was sterile and I told him I was on the pill. The positive pregnancy test I'm holding in my hand right now tells me that at least one of us was lying.
He was drinking hot tub water because i refused to get him a glass of water...
you proceeded to scream out that it's your birthday to everyone who walked by before you collapsed in the middle of the street. happy 21st birthday to you.
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Not a chance. She stuck her hand under my kilt and she told the whole table I was indeed commando. She broke all the rules.
Could someone please explain the rug burn on the right side of my face and do I need a shot of penicillin?
If I can't get slightly excited by the thought of his face between my legs then I know I can never sleep with him.
I am officially now FB friends with my arresting officer.
i need to put some appletini on your dick
This woman at the blackjack table is sitting on a pile of newspaper so she can pee at her seat and never miss a hand.
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