uhhh i just had a guy tell me he's seen more jam bands and done more drugs than i could err imagine. what a turn on.
bowling with tennis balls and shot glasses. whatever you dont knock down after 2 rolls, you drink.
and then you made a playlist that was just "party in the usa" on repeat...
i purposely bought her a small sweater. My way of saying, you've gotten fat.
just woke up face down in my kitchen covered in cheetos. my mom just stepped over me to get to the coffee maker. hello summer
Just got an email from TMobile. Said they were going to pursue "more qualified" candidates. So this is what rock bottom feels like.
I hope, cuz I was gunna get "celebritory drunk" but now I have to get "I'm disappointed drunk"
Were taking his cast off tonite. Need a saw and a gameplan. Meet us at rosies in 30.
On a totally unrelated note, captain four hour sexcapades lost it in his boxers this morning and tried to pretend it didnt happen. Lmao
But you can still look for dick after you find Jesus.
Logically he should not be walking around...after that fall he should be in a hospital in a medically induced coma
Finals drinking + forgeting you had to take your ambien because you work at 6am mid paper= drunk logic which then entails going on a "detox" run. Puking your guts put in the field house bushes while some random guy says to you "its okay. We're marching on."
MY FUCKING CAT JUST GAVE BIRTH AND IM FUCKING STONED AND I FUCKING DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO!!!
Besides you're a Tennessee fan and it'd be against my religion to have your penis inside me today.
Did body shots with a guy... Ended up being the ref of my volleyball game... So that's why we won
Randomize
