You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
Dude, TWO hot chicks on jeopardy tonight. gonna be a good one
Dude, I am so turned on right now. Hot chick with glasses from brooklyn is absolutely crushing right now, taking whole categories. might beat off to jeapordy...
do another line during during the commercial and make the magic happen during double jeopardy.
living well may be the best revenge, but it doesn't hurt that my exhusband is now dating a BEAST.
burritoes are like sleeping bags for ground beef
Do you know how hard it is to get cum out of a straw hat!?
Those were the days I had no morals... Dark times.
Shall we take a trip back?
Drinking, I should not. Got here I don't know. Still drunk, I am. At courtneys.
I like her. She smells like old lady but tastes like whiskey
When we got home I apparently addressed everyone as 'peasant' since it was my birthday, this followed by me demanding for my "peasants to wash me".
You know we have no secrets, right? I mean, you saw me shitting in a gift bag drunk and naked on Christmas eve.
It's like I'm getting a welcome home parade with sex!
he really is such a sweet guy. it’s a shame i have to break his heart.
I just called my grandma crying, apologizing for being the first grandchild to have premarital sex...I'm either about to start my period or pregnant.
Yeah come over whenever. Weed gets here at 8.
I'll be there at 7:59.
you poured beer in your mouth so you could be a beer pong cup for her to drink out of/make out with
Did it work?
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