I need to have sex with someone before he does. I need to win this break up!
oh btw spread eagle is not an appropriate phrase to use in a scientific presentation. learned that the hard way
i just ran into our bio chem professor at the bar. apparently, he doesn't follow the "no slapping your students' asses" rule.
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Math equation of the day: 4 waffles + 1 bowl of weed = 1 terrific nap
Just talked to Laura, confirming that is my bra. Hope it goes well with the rest of your wall decorations.
I call it a party but only because that sounds better than 8 people getting drunk around a pool.
You don't realize how cold it really is...I poured my bong out the second floor window and icicles hit the ground.
Cheers to being single today. There's an entire box of franzia with my name on it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
HEY JUST FOUND A SHIT TON OF MONEY IN THE PURSE HE SENT BRB GONNA GO BUY ME SOME MALE STRIPPERS AND BATHE IN THESE TWENTY DOLLAR BILLS
Played never have I ever with high schoolers today. Needless to say they brought up threesomes so I had to make a judgement call and decided to not put my finger down
The girl in line in front of me at the grocery store is buying wine, m&m minis, a toothbrush, and condoms. Is it inappropriate to high-five her?
Something tells me tonight will end with me wearing my pants on my head again.
The body is still out there. I don't think my trainer realized when he asked me not to drink for 24 days, how often I see dead people
he'll eat me out, but god forbid we double dip when sharing salsa
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