Some man just said he would jack off to my hair color.
what day is it and did you see me today?
but really, i care about skinny girls as much as michael vick cares about rotweilers
he asked me out through an event invitation on facebook, the title read Romantic Dinner For 2
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she was seriously choking and the whole time all he kept saying was "that's what she said"
you know it's the perfect hook up when you don't have any friends in common with his girlfriend on facebook.
Not till Sunday. I'm going to sleep in my car. And I know. This place is insane. Blood on the stAirs 5 dollar slices of pizza. A girl on our floor had a stroke.
Made a vodka juice box out of a ziploc bag and a straw for when I drive. Doesn't count as an open beverage container anymore.
The melted ice in my drinks tonight is probably the most water I've had in like 3 days accumulated.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Too many penises have met your hands. Stop or die.
I think someone tried to make a huge bowl of ramen in my bathtub. There's noodles everywhere in my bathroom.
I woke up at 6 and was laying at the top of my stairs.
Well I typed "penicillin a" into the search engine and before I could finish "penicillin and drinking" popped up. Google knows me too well.
How have you been? I haven’t talked to you since you dyed your pubes.
She’s either doing coke or thinks my cock has the Covid vaccine. Either way I haven’t worn clothes in 3 days
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