I feel odd... a had sex with a chick and she keept her socks on...
How are you going to be there by 9am?
Relax I always go to these conferences hung over
You say that like it's a positive quality
Somebody was walking their dog with their car. seriously
i'm having the hardest time convincing my roommates to go dumpster diving for pizza with me. i really miss you..
She did my hair, then ate me out. Switching teams was an awesome decision.
Rehydrating your liver back to life is never a good idea.
Weirdly I'm doing ok, but I've tested positive for chlamydia, I wanted to let you know
I woke up wearing a headband made of condoms. It was supposed to be a crown for the "prettiest fag hag" award I won last night. There is lube in my hair. I'm going back to sleep
Lost feeling in my face, my shoe and had a nose bleed. That's not wings. Fuck red bull.
I need to stop acting like a drunk bitch. People are going to get the right idea about me...
We took vodka shots. You kept saying it was the key to your heart.
And somehow i feel like your expectations will turn out to be illegal in some way.
IM FILLED WITH SANDWICHES AND SELF LOATHING
do you think that identical twins have the same size junk? i just want to know your opinion before i find out.
I’m not sure she knows my name. She introduced me as “the fuck toy”
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