Grinding on my ninth grade teacher. Dreams really do come true
YOURE GIVING A BLOW JOB TO THE BOY WHO SAYS "OH SNAP"
I wouldn't take my shot so you poured it on my face. Twice.
I don't think of it as I'm taking a pole dancing class...its more like I'm making myself recession proof
Well, I want to see you regardless of whether or not you will lick whipped cream off my body.
"Home for the holidays" isn't clearance to fuck the recently 18 year old high schooler right?
Nope, his last birthday was.
My apartment smells like a lavender field inside of a giant bong.
God dammit not the cupcake channel. Not when I'm high.
this dude, we had a connection. he kept smiling at me. it's like he knew i was gonna facebook stalk the fuck out of him
i gave up on the vacation being fun the night i ate all the marshamallows out of the lucky charms while everyone else was having sex in the condo
Being able to fart in my own house is like 90% of why I pay rent
Last night I dreamed that I got eaten out by Lego Harry Potter.
At first I was nervous about leaving him my undergraduate legacy, but apparently he made out with lesbians, woke up with hickeys and a different shirt. My family name will survive.
It was an all night sausage fest and I was the lady of honor.
I woke up upside down with my head in your ottoman and like a foot of space between the ottoman and chair.. My legs were straight up in the air... Yes. Your mother found me.
Randomize
