I got chris browned last night
I swear she didn't look like that last week.
I woke up naked in my living room and my mom was next to me like we need to talk
it's like i warped into dreamland and the only thing that makes sense is my solo cup
so i told him i have my period and he put his head by my vagina and said "I HATE YOU!"
just once i'd like the "right thing" and the "topless thing" to be the SAME THING
After walking in on us in the living room, he still insisted that he slept in my bed with me afterwards.
This is final. The chair stays in the bathroom, we are too old to be puking from the floor, grown ups sit in chairs infront of the toilet to puke.
Or grown ups don't drink themselves into vomiting.
Stories of my weekends have cause divorces, are you sure you wanna hang out?
just had Stella and stale goldfish for breakfast under the watchful eyes of an inflatable cactus and 5 llama pinatas. Cinco de mayo success!
People were staring and acting all judgmental and offended... Like they've never seen anyone breastfeed in a liquor store.
We joked about how funny it would be if he got pulled over with 300 breakfast burritos in hus car. We walk outside of the school just as the police lights turn on and pull him over
I thanked him for the booty call offer but told him I'd rather just do it myself
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO BE A DRUNK WHEN ALL MY ENABLERS ARE BUSY?!
well we started off by chasing vodka with chocolate milk and ended up trying to befriend a crippled raccoon so that should tell you how our night went
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