Okay you're seriously so fucking annoying its like having a baby
What a tease, dude. She's giving me emotional blue balls.
I need to get the stench of sex and broken dreams out of my room
The baby slept soo good last night. Its like he knows the importance of me being intoxicated all weekend.
Dude, she found the red hair dye from 4th of July. then she proceeded to give you a red mohawk for a more patriotic thanksgiving eve. How do you not remember that?
Dude, you bit through my nipple. Give it a week, damn.
Home safe. Took me everything not to stop and pick up some random cat that looked like an ocelot tho.
After everything you did, you followed it with "Oh God, that's something a high person would do. But I'm not high." So yeah, you're not getting near my stash again.
He wanted me to strip for him. I told him that we aren't at that serious of a fuck buddy relationship yet
ted dressed as a cardinal led an expedition across campus. i felt like one of the 12 apostles.
he left a full can of coors light underneath my windshield wiper, like a love note. if that's not husband material, i don't know what is
We almost ended up sober because of u!!
Do you ever have one of those days when your breasts are just fucking awesome?
Dude how much would someone have to pay you to get you to slide your vagina across a bald man's head because Honestly I'd do it for the experience alone. but money would be nice too\n\nI'm thinkin like 500 bucks. Maybe 700
Why are you like this.
Someone threw up pink in the shower, there's a golf cart tipped over on the lawn and Cousin Brian is missing. What could Friday night throw at us?
Randomize
