Spider just rapelled from her vag rethinking online dating.
he was sending me dirty texts but i was watchin nickeloden and couldnt get into it
im ashamed your my cousin
i was sitting in the back seat of her car with her boyfriend while she was driving. it was pretty awkward, but i dont think "so my dick's been in your girl's mouth too" was a good ice breaker
She has a concussion we think. Dancing to barbie girl.
Just got a blowjob in her closet with two people sleeping outside in the room. I feel like the emperor of college.
I don't like him near enough to give up day drinking AND my prostitute costume
So I'm sitting at my desk and Thunderstruck came on my iPod. I then proceeded to drink coffee every time I heard thunderstruck. Who says you don't remember anything from college?
sexting foreigners is the best. they respond with silly things like "love that tits"
Worst. Date. Ever. He peeled a layer of bread off his mini burger buns because they had "too many carbs".
That last one reminds me of the time we smoked that foot-long joint and by the time we'd finished we were so stoned we applauded it.
She sent me a video of herself sitting in the car stone faced listening to the Titanic song on silence. She won't answer my texts.
Apparently she hired a private investigator when he took out a restraining order on her. So the answer is no, I didn't hit it.
We watched ESPN, hooked up, got waffles. You know, a typical weekend.
You went into the bathroom, got in the tub with a pillow, yelled "this isn't as comfortable as it looks in the movies" then passed out
It really hurts to walk. Any idea what happened to my hip?
Randomize
